Sunday, August 15, 2010


It's amazing to me how many people have the ability to say exactly what is on their minds, regardless of how it may impact/hurt/affect the person that they are talking to. When I was little, a phrase that my mom often said to me was "think before you speak." Now, hearing that my whole life, I think I may have taken that to the other extreme and now I think TOO much. You know, you're flabergasted, and then speak your reply in your mind for the next 2-3 days. That would be me.

Anyway, I've been reading more adoption blogs lately, and just getting a feel for other people's experiences, lives, etc. Some of the posts that have caught my eye lately are the ones where strangers or friends make comments on:
1. How bad you are for not breastfeeding...without knowing you adopted (btw, what a serious idiot Gisele Bundchen is)
2. How your child doesn't look like you
3. Asking if your child is adopted

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm PROUD that M is adopted. I love telling our adoption story. At the same time, I don't want the focus to be that she is adopted. I want the focus to be that she is our daughter.

I digress. Ok, so we were with a group of "friends" the other day, and I was talking about M's hair. M has curly hair, and I'm a straight-haired girl, so I don't have much experience with the, I'm learning as I go. So, I was talking about her hair, and one of the girls said, "Well, I have a friend that adopted a mixed baby too...."

Whoah, sister. I mean, is it just me or is the term "mixed" pretty derogatory? I'm not the PC princess by any means, but seriously? Not that we go around saying "transracial" or "rich genetic heritage" but seriously?

I wouldn't have gotten my panties completely in a wad, but this is the second time this lady has said that...the first being, "M is mixed, right?" My response was, "M's bfather is hispanic and her bmother is caucasian."

So, I still didn't respond. It's the whole think before you speak crap. I have too much of it. But, this is likely to come up again. Do I have a response or do I just smile?


Amber said...

Thank you so much for your comment! I'm delighted to connect with you - the more adoptive mommies I can get to know, the better. There are times when I start to think the whole thing is a myth! ;)

As far as the idiotic comments about M being "mixed," the first thing that popped into my head was to smile gleefully and say "yup! she's half sweet and half cute!"

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Andrea said...

People always have a way of saying the thing you want to hear the least. It's always something. I would just politely say, "we don't use that term to refer to our daughter." it would get the point across without seeming rude.

On another note, I am so glad you are back! I started following your blog about 2 months before you adopted. You last post before you took a leave from blogging was so moving, I read it every time I checked back at your blog hoping for a new post. Congratulation on your beautiful little girl!

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