Monday, August 17, 2009

Damn

Well, there is nothing like a digital pregnancy test to bring you back to reality. What did it say to me this morning? No -. The funny thing is, when I went to check it after a couple of minutes, I had it upside down, so it read "oN-." And I thought, "Oh good, it's on!"

Obviously, I've never done a digital test before.

It's funny. We were really starting to get hopeful this cycle. I was naseous (damn cold with a lot of drainage, but still), I was tired (damn prometrium and probably a little depression), I was refluxing for the first time ever (damn not eating healthy for the past 2 weeks) , and I felt bloated (damn all of the above).

Excuse my cursing, but I just have to right now.

We're ok. It's weird. I dreamt it would be negative last night, and it was this AM. Bizarre.

We're going to take a month off and resume in September. In the meantime, I'm going to get back on the treadmill, eat healthy, and lose the 15 lbs that I've gained since starting infertility treatments. This is OUT OF CONTROL.

In the meantime, DH is going to do another semen analysis--because of the round cells and the lower count in this last sample--and we'll see.

Do we even have the capability to be pregnant? I just don't know right now. Much less a baby, right?

16 comments:

MC said...

I'm sorry.

I hope the month off helps to get your minds and hearts healed a little.

And baby makes five... said...

I'm sorry this wasn't the month. I give you a TON of credit, though, for believing your test. To me, every negative was just a *potential* negative until my period actually started.

I hear you on the IF thing, although in the past year, I've gained, like, FORTY pounds instead of fifteen so color me jealous. Thankfully, I'm on the downswing now, but it's going to be a LONG battle, I think... :p

*hugs*

<3

Clare said...

Sorry this wasn't the month... September is not too far away. Hugs.

just me, dawn said...

sending you a big hug!!

callmemama said...

Ugh, I'm so sorry about the negative :(. As stark white as the empty spot on a pregnancy test is, I don't know if I could handle the in-your-face-ness (is that a word?) of a digital test. It just seems mean. Not that any of this IF stuff is nice...
September's not that far away! I'm with you on losing a little bit of weight and getting into shape. 'Tis the season I guess :)
Oh, and I'd love your meatloaf recipe if you're sharing!

Fran said...

Oh dear, I am sorry. Although I am not sure digitals are that sensitive, would you not get a "two pink line" test? Just in case. But I love your positive attitude, get back on proper lifestyle is a very good goal. Wishing you all the best and September is just around the conrner! Love, Fran

A said...

Well crap. I was so hopeful for you, mostly for selfish reasons, because if this clomid #3 doens't work for us, we're trying injectible IUI in October, and I was hoping for super examples of success!!

I had to chuckle about the "oN-"!! It's good to laugh at ourselves once in a while, huh? :)

Have a refreshing month off!!

A said...

PS. I left you an award on my blog!

Clio said...

I'm sorry. It's always a blow.
at least from what I can see you already have a plan in place, that does help.
Getting healthy and exercising, losing weight etc. helped me a lot bringing my confidence back.
hugs.

Pie said...

Ugh, I'm sorry. Take care of yourself.

((HUGS))

lowfatlady said...

I'm sorry you didn't get a positive this month. I hope you feel better soon.

strongblonde said...

damn.

i'm sorry. it sucks every time.

enjoy the month off, though and use it to totally take care of yourself!!

xoxo

ifcrossroads said...

BFN. I don't even like those letters individually anymore! And there is nothing like a digital test to put it into perspective for you!
I'm so sorry. I see it the same way, once the digital has confirmed it, I'm done mentally committing to the cycle.

Rambler said...

More like BFFN. Sorry. :( Sometimes a month where you aren't actively at appointments and blood draws and taking meds, it helps.

iamstacey said...

I'm so sorry, I just got my BFN, too. And I've gotta hit the treadmill, too! I've got 5 more pounds on ya since we started TTC! :(

Lorraine said...

Well, bummer.

But good to take a month off and hop back on that treadmill. Extra pounds seem like such an easy bargain if you actually are on your way to a baby, but it sucks otherwise. Now that I am actually pregnant (supposedly) I wish I had been more treadmill-y when it might have helped me... Of course, I'll still take the bargain! I suppose I can always treadmill more later.

Good luck in September!