Saturday, February 7, 2009

To be positive

Everything I'm feeling right now can be summed up in the words of another infertility blogger. Click here to read.

I'm always planning for the next step. I haven't even done IUI yet on Clomid--since I had lack of ovulation this month, and I'm planning and worried about IUI with injectable medications. I haven't even done a single IUI yet, and I'm thinking about IVF. I haven't even done IUI yet, and I'm already planning on it being a process that doesn't result in a baby. I'm completely sabotaging myself, and NOT trusting in God. And I realize that I'm doing it and I have those thought processes partially to protect myself. Protect myself from the pain. Protect myself from staying vulnerable. Protect myself from hope.


I search other blogs that are going through IUI and I see more that don't succeed than do. And I somehow bring that back to ME and think that I'm not going to be successful.


I am not in control. I am not in control.

1 comment:

Shinejil said...

It's rough to know that we have to invest so much in a complicated process and that statistics scream that we're more likely to fail than to succeed, at least with IUIs. But they do work, and there's the rub: It's so hard to know how to deal with them.

One step at a time. Don't let your fear make your mind get ahead of itself.

And fortunately, we don't have to be positive all the time. Sometimes we just need to get upset.

Huge hugs to you!