Hello. My eggs are still scrambled. Not pregnant. Didn't think that I was, so really, that wasn't even in my thought processes. More just making sure that if I did miscarry, that my HCG was zero, zilch, nada. And it was.

I have a meeting with the RE in a couple of weeks to discuss the next step. Injectibles? IVF? Surgery? Stay tuned! =)

As if things couldn't get any weirder

I've had a bad day today.

I had my U/S appointment today. Instead of the nurse who usually does my U/S, my great RE came in...saying basically that here I was at IUI #4 and if it didn't take this time, that we would need to start talking options. This I was expecting. So, he quickly ran through surgery, injectibles, and IVF and said that we would talk more if it came to that.

Then the ultrasound. First my endometrium. "Hmm, this is interesting," says my RE. (Just what you want to hear. Then the right ovary. No activity. Then the left ovary. Giant 3cm cyst. Then he says--well your endometrium is unusually thick (I think he said around 25mm)..was your last period unusual? Me-well, long luteal phase, not very long period, etc, etc. He-well, this may indicate a pregnancy, but at this point, hard to tell. (To me--non viable pregnancy)

So, we're running labs. E2, progesterone, and HCG.

And I don't get the results until tomorrow.

So, I left their office and luckily, had things to do for work that didn't involve going into the office. More about that later.

I feel numb right now. Absolutely numb.

Yeah, so obviously no IUI tomorrow.

Dinner tonight

There's something cathartic about cooking a good meal. It's even better when it's good.....wait for it....and healthy. I'm a subscriber to Cooking Light magazine. And while its food isn't the lightest there is, it's good food. And healthy. We made the below stir-fry for dinner tonight. I wish I could serve up a plateful to everybody, because it was just that good. If you like Chinese food, please make this. You won't be sorry.

And as an aside (can you tell I'm trying to put IF on the back burner this month?), I told my husband, "Wow, I haven't had many side effects from the Clomid this month!" His response? Eye rolling. Ok, maybe I don't notice the side effects anymore, because I've been taking it for 4 cycles now, and perhaps I should just label myself Permanent Bitch. Oh boy.

U/S on Wednesday morning. If all looks good, IUI on Thursday afternoon.

Chicken, Cashew, and Red Pepper Stir Fry

3 3/4 tsp cornstarch
2 Tbsp low sodium soy sauce
2 tsp dry sherry
1 tsp rice wine vinegar
3/4 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp tabasco
1 lb chicken breast, cut into thin strips
1/2 cup (or more if you love cashews like I do) cashews
2 Tbsp canola oil
2 cups julienne cut red bell pepper (one large)
1 tsp minced garlic
1/2 tsp minced peeled fresh ginger
3 Tbsp thinly sliced green onions

Combine 1 tsp cornstarch, 1 Tbsp soy sauce, and the next 4 ingredients (through hot pepper sauce) in a small bowl; stir with a whisk.

Comine remaining 2 3/4 tsp cornstarch, remaining 1 Tbsp soy sauce and chicken in a medium bowl; toss well to coat.

Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add cashews to pan; cook 3 minutes or until lightly toasted, stirring frequently. Remove from pan.

Add oil to pan, swirling to coat. Ad chicken mixture to pan; saute 2 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove chicken from pan; place in a bowl. Add bell pepper to pan; saute 2 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add garlic and ginger; cook 30 seconds. Add chicken and cornstarch mixture to pan; cook 1 minute or until sauce is slightly thick. Sprinkle with cashews and green onions. Yield: 4 servings (one cup/serving).

KCal: 325
Fat: 16 grams
Protein: 30 grams
Carb 13.5 grams
Fiber 2 grams

Serve with Rice--after preparing rice, add 2 Tbsp chopped water chestnuts, 1/2 tsp crushed red pepper, 1/4 tsp salt, and 1/4 tsp pepper. Top with the stir fry and enjoy!!!

Sunday ABC's

A: Apples. As in an apple a day keeps the doctor away. I've sworn off apples in hopes that I can have many prenatal appointments in the near future. =)

B: Baking. I'm quite good at it.

C: Calendar. I'm trying not to be obsessed with it. As in Cycle day ???

D: Disney! I'm going in 5 weeks!

E: Eggs. They are the one food I don't like. Go figure.

F: Family. So thankful for them. I wouldn't be making it through this chapter of my life without them.

G: God. Same as F.

H: Husband. My rock.

I: Ice Cream! My weakness. Especially Snickerdoodle icecream.

J: Journey. While this one has been amazing, I would like for it to end. =)

K: Kart, as in Mario Kart. I'm addicted. I'm ashamed to admit it.

L: Life. Very thankful for it.

M: Music. I'm currently listening to U2's new cd. I don't have an opinion on it yet

N: Nap. Took one today. It was glorious.

O: Over it. So over IUI's.

P: Piano. I took lessons for many many years.

Q: Queen for a day?

R: Reecheep. The mouse from the chronicles of Narnia. We're watching it right now.

S: Sleepy. Even with the nap.

T: Takeout. That was our dinner tonight.

U: Underwhelmed. That's how I feel about this cycle.

V: Very underwhelmed

W: Wii. I'm digging it.

X: Marks the spot?

Y: Like others, I ask myself that often.

Z: Zoo. Life in reality.

Totally digging the hugs

Happy ICLW! This is my first time foraging into this, and already, I have to say that I love it. How amazing that the world is just becoming a little bit smaller through blogging. What a treat to find and read new blogs too! My heart resonates with each new blog that I read, and I wish that I could take more time just to read and soak you all in. Amazing people you all are.

We are having a wonderful evening. My husband grilled chicken and I made roasted vegetables (asparagus, red pepper, sweet potatoes, squash and onions) and also stuffed mushrooms!! Oh, and a glass of wine. The weather here is GORGEOUS and it just makes me thankful for the newness of spring.

Hopefully spring will bring new life to all of you!!! =)

Round 4--could this please be the knockout round? Please?

Clomid and I are becoming friends again this week. I'm pretty sure this will be the last time, so I'm really hoping that she delivers. She (Clomid) is otherwise affectionately known as "Clo" around these parts. As in, "Oh Clo, you're making me crazy again. Oh Clo, you're giving me hot flashes. Oh Clo, can I blame my weight gain on you?" Anybody? Anybody?

Of course, who am I to know if it is the last time? In my initial consult with the RE, he said we would do clomid IUI's 3-4 times before moving on. I don't really WANT to move on (from the financial standpoint) but if that is what is needed, that is what is needed.

Question. How many of you have had a laparoscopy looking for endo? I really have never had any concerns or thoughts that I had endometriosis, but from reading on the blog world, it seems like there are many women who have it at the time of surgery and never had any symptoms. I mention this because (in the beginning) my RE had mentioned the possibility of a lap prior to starting IUI with injectibles. And for those of you who have absolutely shitty or non-existent insurance coverage for infertility (me! me!) if you had a lap, was it covered? The thought of paying thousands of dollars for surgery and then turning around and doing more infertility treatments is making my brain spin.

back in the saddle

I'm sorry that it's been a few days. I did basically up and disappear. But it was from the blog world only. This has been a busy weekend!

I did get AF. It's ok. I think. There is a reason for everything, right? It's funny, I started this month thinking that this cycle wouldn't work, but then I just got so EXCITED. I let the baby fever envelope me again, and you know what? I think that's ok. Because with every let-down, there is a reason. There's a let down because I was up on a higher perch for a few days. And that's healthy. I can't stay depressed. And today, I'm climbing up out of my hole. At least a few steps out.

I'll write more later. Must get my 90210 fix.

Tested this AM. It was negative. I'm reeling.

Where's the hope in all of this?

update

It's 14dpIUI and no AF yet. If I follow last month's pattern, she should show her face tomorrow. As for sx? BB's sore to the touch, no real cramping, constipated, moody as all get out. Positive signs? Maybe. Only time will tell. I'm so beyond analyzing symptoms or lack thereof.

Have I mentioned that tomorrow is my husband's birthday? I hope first off for a BFP but secondly, I hope for no AF tomorrow (because of pregnancy!!) So, what an awesome birthday present that would be. I can't get myself to buy a test though. Argh.

Sorry to be MIA. =( I've been thinking about you all a lot! Just wanted to try and not get caught up in things too much. Yeah, and how did that work out? It didn't!!!

So, it's 6dpIUI and I'm having little cramps. If this hadn't happened last month too, I'd be excited for implantation. But this happened last month too, and it's taking everything in me not to think that this cycle is a bust. Everything in me. Because. I'm. Trying. To. Be. Positive.

On a better note, I'm taking one step at a time to climb out of my unhealthy funk. I'm embarrassed when I think about how sedentary I have been over the past few weeks. The excuse of, "don't want to exercise during the 2ww because I may jostle out the baby" ain't going to fly anymore. Because it's not going to help any potential baby if I'm not healthy. So, my gym and I got reacquainted tonight. Low impact people. Low impact. You know, might jostle the baby. =)

On another exercise note, do any of you have a wii? I have the fit and just bought the game "My fitness coach" this weekend. It's great! Before you even start working out, it puts you through a series of tests--similar to a personal trainer and then helps you set up fitness goals. It sets up a goal calendar and revisits your goals and such every 10 workouts. Hey, anything to motivate.

Me and my crampy self are going to sleep.

Lazy Sunday

I have had a fantastic weekend! DH took me out for a fabulous dinner for our anniversary and we had a wonderful meal. Good company too. =)

We've just relaxed this weekend and done a number of fun little things. We went to our area zoo and took in a local restaurant that we've been wanting to try for awhile. Today, we relaxed and he made waffles!

Ok, are you seeing the theme here? Food!

I got on the scale yesterday, and I've gained 7 lbs since starting IUI in January. Ikes. So, in the midst of the yummy eating this weekend, I did some LOW IMPACT exercising. I am not using the 2ww excuse not to exercise anymore. So, tomorrow, me and weight watchers might become good friends again. =) Oh well, at least it's 7 lbs and not 20.

5 years ago today

I married the man of my dreams. Happy anniversary baby!

And on that note, we are having a weekend of fun. Lots of good food, adventures, and taking pictures with our new canon digital rebel. Woohoo!

Award!

Yay! I have been given an award from Can you Imagine, a sister in infertility and a blog I just love. This award goes to blogs that show great attitude.

So here's the scoop:

1. Put the Lemonade Award logo on your blog or post
2. Nominate blogs that show great attitude or gratitude
3. Link to your nominees within your post
4. Let the nominees know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog
5. Share the love and link to the person from whom you received your award

Here's who I'm passing along the award to:

Dreams Come True....Sometimes
Courtney
Baby? Maybe..Or Maybe Not
Erica
Strong Blonde

I think all of you ladies are incredible. You've been such an inspiration to me in so many different ways. I'm so thankful for the outlet of blogging...who thought that I would stumble onto such an incredible ring of support! I hope that eventually every IF blogger has this award listed on their blogs...because everyone deserves it.