I can not believe that it has been three weeks since I have posted. Does it help to say that I have been on vacation for the last week--that I'm tan and at least 5 lbs heavier? (I'm going to give myself a break from the scale for a week, so hopefully the aftermath is a bit smaller)
We went on vacation with family last week-and got to spend a lot of time with my 2 year old niece. She was darling. And I felt blessed for the time. And, if anything, it renewed my faith that I do very much want to be a mother. In the midst of treatments, I sometimes get in the mind frame of thinking that maybe we should just give up and live child-free. That maybe this isn't meant to be. That me not getting pregnant means that I'm not supposed to be a mother. So, in the midst of a week of relaxation, I see chubby fingers and toes, a laugh that makes your heart melt, and little fingers that hold your face just so...and I realize that this is a portion of my life that I don't want to miss. I see my husband with her, and I can't wait for him to have children of his own. He's going to be such an amazing father.
On a different note, my lap is next friday, and I'm a little scared. There. Got it out on paper (internet). I have never had surgery before. Of any kind. And while I'm no stranger to the medical community, having something done to yourself is an entirely different thing. I feel really vulnerable. And unsure.
So, I'm back. And will be posting. I'm getting through all of the blogs that I read. You all make me cheer. Some of the recent stories are bringing tears to my eyes. Oh, why do we have to go through all of this?
- ▼ June (10)