Monday, March 23, 2009

Day 5

Just checking in. I don't really have all that much to report.

My emotions have been up and down. It's a bummer that as soon as my hormones feel like normal that I'm starting clomid again. Ok, not a bummer in the real sense, just to my psyche. I've been mentally revving myself up for this cycle, and frankly, it's hard not to imagine another failure. Again, trying not to think that way.

What I'm focusing on more than anything is getting my life back. Over the past two weeks, I've been so obsessed with the two week wait that I neglected a lot of other things in my life. Easy to do, yes? I stupidly convinced myself I shouldn't be working out in the two week wait, so my flab is becoming more flabby. Ick. I haven't taken much "me" time, God time, or reflection time. I haven't stayed in good contact with friends. The list goes on. I'm not beating myself up, but as I'm going through this, I'm realizing that it's ESSENTIAL to maintain some sense of normalcy. Especially when I'm doing only Clomid and IUI. Of course, still hoping that it won't go past that, but again, who the heck knows.

So, this afternoon, I'm going to clean our bedroom (ICK!), find a good book, and get some exercise. Have I mentioned that I don't work on Monday afternoons? How sweet is that! For that, I'm extremely grateful.

I hope that this month results in a baby. I'm going to hold that faint little glimmer. I'm going to try.

1 comment:

Baby? Maybe. (Or Maybe Not.) said...

I'm glad you updated. I've been thinking about you something fierce. <3

I hear you on being consumed--do I EVER. I feel like my whole life revolves around The Cycle. I've gained a TON of weight since my December miscarriage, and I'm just generally a mess. I keep telling myself to *stop* trying, but I CAN'T. It's almost like an addiction. An addiction with a looooooow success rate, at that. :p

Checking my calendar, my 2WW comes to an end a week from tomorrow. I'm still bouncing between hopeful and hopeless. In my heart, I know the odds are stacked against me. But is the human heart not made to hope against hope?

Anyway, I'm crossing my fingers that this month is your month. <3